At Mars Maids, we’re all about applying cutting edge technology in order to provide maximum benefit to our customers. We wipe, we dust, we bag and we zap the dirt, the grime, the clutter like no other! And in fact there is no other, so feel free to peruse our ever-growing catalog of devices and services; you will find no alternative in the vast red desert. And why would you need one? We got all your needs covered like red dust covers the Tesla Dome right before our regular maintenance crew starts their morning rounds.
You Name It, We Clean It
Yes sir, we do it all – we clean large scale edifices, from citizen cubicles to Grade T office buildings, dusting off both large scale enterprises and small business needs. Can’t figure out that strange smell infesting your modular condominium? Well, rest assured: when our crew leaves, the smell will be gone as well!
Whether your ceiling is an unimaginative flat-scape or an enticing globular form, we’ll ensure its full transparency – provided your stargazing license has been renewed. No nook and cranny will escape our employees’ attention, and you will be able to keep any and all charred arachnid appendages remaining after the Purifying Procedure ends.
Mars Maids is proud to announce the 100 Martian year deal to service the First Church of Mars. From pews to the spires, we’ll make sure its bells are sparkling clean, buzzing all the way up to Phobos and Deimos, spreading the good word far and wide, lightning fast and crystal clear.
Reliable Tools for Reliable Crews
Our hiring process is designed to obtain employees who put procedure first, ego second. Despite this, we’re an equal opportunity employer, making sure that biocomplete employees are not discriminated against. Code is code, be it genetic or digital, and our crew members are free to choose if they want to rewrite it or not.
To produce results, our crews wield the best tools for the job. While some of specifications remain company secret, here are the devices we use on a daily basis:
- Buzzdrone 3000 – while the Colony zone consists mainly of horizontally spread modular environment, there are still several stacks reaching observational-class heights. Safety of our employees being close to top priority, we utilize remotely controlled devices to circle the spires, fumigate and blast away any and all residual grime they encounter. All drones operating on Mars have limited AI capabilities, according to protocols established after the Great Shenzhen Incident.
- Space-X-Suction Master – The flagship of our vacuuming fleet, this device boasts the latest in the line of Tesla’s esteemed electric cell infrastructure, encased in Faraday-class alloy so no accidental discharges may occur. Its revolutionary static dust bag ensures that captured dust gets disposed of while it’s in the device itself. It is a perfect operational tool for any environment, and as President Musk once remarked: With a vacuum like this, I could dust off the Hellas Planitia crater itself. And he did!
- The Zap-Grime – This pistol shaped utility is renowned for the punch it carries in such a small package. It can be deceptively simple to operate: just insert a microcharged cell into the tubular charger and wait for the sensor to glow green. Making sure that there’s at least 10 feet distance between you and the target, press the X button on the right side of the casing and hold it while the modulated current scours the area clean. If you decide to use the device on your own, Mars Maids will not reimburse you for any overlooked pets or small ornaments.
- Major Tom’s Pyroblaster – A favorite among our employees, this modified version of The Boring Company’s ancient flamethrower is a sight to behold. Its highly adjustable snout makes sure that the fiery blast is directed towards any environmental orifice you wish to pursue, negating the bio-signs of its inhabitants. And this means Arachnids. Yes, this pyroblaster is the go-to choice when encountering the dreaded Mars fauna, and can even be used to light a birthday candle. Just remember – the scale starts at the highest output value!
But wait, there’s more: no matter what your personal or business needs are, call today and we’ll throw in a special Robo-Maid offer just for you! These cybernetic citizens are taking the planet by storm after extensive testing conducted at the moon of Deimos found almost zero possibility of rogue AI formation. Mars Maids can, for less than your yearly credit allowance, lease you one of these Uncanny Utilities and they’ll be buzzing around your tubular habitat in no time. And remember, the safety of the Colony is upheld by the daily fight of its citizens against entropy. Ensure that you do your part in the struggle, call Mars Maids now!
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