Join the Crew
Earthlings! Looking to start a new life safely away from the melting deathtrap you call home? Want to leave while the ice caps are still sort-of there? Want to be the talk of the party regardless of sex, gender or firmware version? Want that particular musk of success to rub off you wherever you go?
Well, you’re in luck because Mars Maids, the first – and only! – maid service on (you guessed it) Mars is hiring, and you can hit the orbit in no time. Just drop by your local SpaceX outpost and we’ll get back to you within one Martian year.
Who We Are
Glad you asked. We’re the premier cleaning service on Mars, and among the first private companies to set up shop on this great frontier. Founded in Dallas right before the Great Thaw of 2037, we recognized the opportunity to replace one desert with another. And this means dust, tons of coarse red dust, smudgy and downright unpleasant to both biological and bionic life forms. We know what you’re thinking – where there’s a problem, there’s opportunity. Well, you’ve just the person we need, then!
Apply Now
All you need to apply is your birth certificate or factory code. Here at Mars Maids we believe that honesty is the best policy, and if you solemnly swear that no outstanding warrants have been issued by the Terrestrial governments, that’s just fine by us.
Who You Are:
- Hard and honest worker with adventurous spirit
- Willing to expand your knowledge and your lung capacity
- Able to learn how to operate our top of the line dust and rust removers, including devices wrapped in Tesla Coils
- Consider 50 Shades of Red to be the first extraterrestrial literary masterpiece
- Comfortable with maintaining habitation capsules, escape pods, elongated and spherical buildings, various roadsters and interplanetary vessels
- Not claustrophobic, especially in a tubular environment
- Fearless in front of Arachnids
- Can differentiate between oxygen deprivation signs and euphoria
- Willing to obey the Martian law in all matters
What We Offer:
- Fully funded one way ticket to Mars with mandatory life insurance policy
- One (1) Mars Meal Ticket including three portions of N-ough nutrient brand per day
- One (1) Olympus Mons ski pass
- One (1) gear kit including brand new oxygen filter
- A capsule with a scenic view towards either Expedition Crater 1 or Martian Mall: South Entrance
- Competitive salary and discounts at selected supply depots
- Yearly excursion to Korolev Water Park
Your Next Episode Awaits
At Mars Maids, we put the employee first, making sure our customers receive nothing but top quality service. Maintaining the cleanliness of the Colony below the defined hazardous health levels is our obligation and the duty we’re happy to fulfill. Submit your application today and the next SpaceX Freighter can count YOU as cargo! We promise to be there if you pass the orbital quarantine on Phobos. Good luck!
